What I’ve Learned in Two Years of Marriage

Two years ago I married my best friend. It was a beautiful September afternoon in the mountains and we were surrounded by our closest friends and family. Our wedding may not have gone perfectly as planned but we didn’t care. We were there to commit our lives to one another and that’s all that mattered. 

Did all of our groomsmen know they were in the wedding? No. Did the officiant forget to tell everyone to sit down? Yes. Did we forget to put out bread and wine for communion? Another yes. Did we care? Not at all. I know you’re probably wondering how a groomsmen didn’t know he was in the wedding- that’s another blog post for another day. Haha! 

To the world and maybe even to some of our guests, it wasn’t a perfect wedding. But it certainly was to us. 

Leading up to our wedding I was a little nervous. I had heard so many times that marriage was hard and the first year was the hardest. I was bracing myself for the storm that I was sure was in our forecast. But over the course of our first two years, I have learned some very important things.

1- Communication is Key.

Most of the arguments Collin and I have are simple miscommunications. One of us plans something and the other gets the date mixed up and schedules something for the same day. Or I text him asking him to pick up tweezers at the store but he misreads it and brings me Twizzlers. I hate Twizzlers by the way. That one didn’t result in an argument because it was just hilarious but it could have if I was already in a cranky mood and REALLY needed those tweezers.  Simple miscommunications can often lead to avoidable arguments. Which is why it’s so important to communicate clearly. And not just about the grocery list or what time you’re meeting your friends for dinner. It’s about learning how to effectively communicate with your partner when it comes to difficult situations. When you have a misunderstanding, don’t blow up in a rage at your partner. It doesn’t resolve anything and often makes matters worse. Learn how to calmly express your feelings in a loving way so you don’t turn into the Hulk. I say this because I’ve totally been there. It takes time to speak each other’s language which brings me to my next point…

2- It’s Okay to Fight.

A large majority of couples fight. And those that claim they don’t are probably lying. Things happen. When we got married I thought we weren’t supposed to have arguments. You’re in the honeymoon stage so what’s there to fight about? Let me tell you, I was surprised when we argued a lot quicker than I expected in our marriage. But did it ruin us? No. If anything it made us stronger. It taught us how to resolve conflict and move on. It makes each fight after a little more manageable. 

3- Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.

When something annoys me about my husband (which honestly isn’t a lot) and I’m at my boiling point, I ask myself a few simple questions. Is this really worth getting upset over? Is this going to matter next week, next month, or next year? If the answer to any of these things are yes then I will calmly bring it up. If the answer is no, I just let it go. If it’s so small and minuscule  and it won’t affect my life later on then there’s absolutely no point in making a big deal over it now. By allowing anger to creep in it’s really only hurting yourself. Pick your battles wisely. 

4- Grace.

We all mess up. No one is perfect. Marriage is all about extending grace to one another. You are a sinner. Your spouse is too. Which means we will make mistakes. Some big, some small. We have to take the same grace that God shows us and apply that to our marriage as well. 

5- Don’t Compare Your Love Story to Someone Else’s.

When Collin and I were dating, we struggled. We argued and just couldn’t get on the same page. We broke up twice before we finally got it together. I used to think we had a horrible love story. I would compare it to every else that seemed to meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after. And it bothered me. Why was our story such a mess? But you know what? I’ve learned to LOVE our story. It’s ours and it means that we fought for what we have. It may have taken us a little longer and we may have gotten lost along the way but that doesn’t mean our story isn’t as romantic as anyone else’s. The same rule applies to marriage. You may think that someone else has the perfect marriage and life. But no marriage is perfect. Not even that woman that you admire on Instagram that seems to have it all together. She has struggles too. Her husband might work long hours or travel so often that they are drifting apart. Don’t assume that everyone else has a perfect marriage and yours is a disaster. After all, it’s okay to not be perfect. 

All this to say, marrying my best friend two years ago was the best decision I have ever made. Each day is full of fun, laughter, and adventure. I am forever grateful for all that he does for me and our family. He keeps me sane when I feel like the world is spinning too fast. He encourages me to dream big no matter how out of reach those dreams seem to be. He is talented, creative, witty, and has a heart of gold. <3



Photos: Deuel Photography
Venue: 16 Hands Farm
Flowers: Foraged + Cut, Shady Grove Gardens & Nursery
Doughnuts: Local Lion

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